Another Matter of the Heart

There’s a story I don’t share much. I allude to its content from time to time, but I don’t really go into detail. I don’t go into detail for several reasons such as:

1) Its content is not something by which I want to be defined.

2) After all this time, I try to tell a new story.

3) If I don’t discuss it, it won’t hurt as much.

However, I realize after eight years the subject does define me, to a point. It allows me to not only tell a new story, but to change my entire value system. And, while time does heal pain, the void is never really filled so it doesn’t really matter if I talk about it or not.

Tomorrow marks the eighth year I have lived without my only sibling. A young man with a seven-month old son left the world at the age of 27, suddenly without much warning. The one person I was to tease throughout my entire life. The one with whom I was to discuss matters regarding our parents’ health. The one I would leave my child to if something terrible happened to me first. In just one day I went from being someone’s sister to being an only child. It crippled me emotionally for nearly half a decade.

The details of the ‘old’ story and how this happened are not really necessary here. What does matter, however, is how life’s events are meant to teach us valuable life-altering lessons.

Lessons like…

1) Relationships and family are more important than work.

2) Saving for a rainy day is important.

3) When someone is in need, time is of the essence.

You see, I didn’t get on a plane from Connecticut to Missouri fast enough. I didn’t do it because I was really busy with work…I didn’t have a dime in my savings account…I thought it was a simple stomach ache and that was not important enough for me to fly clear across the country. Between the time I got the “You need to come home” call and the time I actually arrived, my brother had slipped into a place from where he would never come back. I never got to say goodbye. And that haunted me for many, many years.

It also changed me. It changed me in so many ways that I wish I could go back to those people who angered me with their “There is a gift in this tragedy” statement. I would say to them “You were right”. Because, folks, why else must we endure such pain if not for growth?

So, how did this change me? How did I grow?

Nobody’s work is more important than family. I live by this in my job now and promote this value to those I supervise and with whom I work. I also remind my superiors from time to time that family is a priority for me. I’ve quit ‘dream jobs’ to be with my family. It isn’t hard to make decisions when you live your values.

Buying useless crap takes valuable resources away from you. When I lived in New England, I lived in a house I really could not afford and bought items for this house I really, really, really could not afford. So, when I got the call my first thought was “Where the hell am I going to get $900 to fly to Missouri?“. Eight years later, I can tell you with all truth and honesty: I think of that moment whenever I am about to buy something major that would deplete my savings account. It has stopped me many times from buying something I do not need.

Don’t ignore your intuition. When a friend is in need, today is the day to pick up the phone. Today is the day to stop what you are doing and write that note. Not tomorrow, not next week, and certainly not ‘not ever’. I knew something was wrong on that Friday. I should have called home that day. Instead, I waited nearly 36 hours for my father to call me…and another 12 hours to arrive at the hospital. I think Facebook is a wonderful place to get information. It is not a wonderful place to show someone how much you care.

What does this have to do with simplicity?

I don’t know. Maybe nothing. Except that this event, along with a few others, led me to my decision to stop working so much, quit buying so much, and take the time to sit on a blanket in the yard watching a storm roll in last night with my son instead of washing dishes.

Every one of my ‘simplicity’ heroes has a similar story. An ‘Ah-Ha’ moment, if you will. What’s your old story and how did it help create a new story? Are you a ‘simplicity-minded’ soul and if so, how did you arrive here? Are you in the midst of your own painful life event that has given you pause? I’d love to hear from you.

Happy weekend!

PS…I’m giving my dear friend and editor time off to deal with her own set of priorities and family issues. If the blog is a complete grammatical mess – I take full responsibility.

A Matter of Heart

“We have been told happiness is found in big houses, new cars, fashionable clothing, and full closets. As a result, we spend much of our lives pursuing possessions seeking this promised happiness in them. But fullness of life is not found in the things we possess.” – Joshua Becker

May begins with a return to my heart’s calling. April was fun as I, tongue in cheek, shed my inner domestic goddess and became a bit more playful with you. I hope you enjoyed it. No worries, I will attempt to still be witty, but truthfully, I felt a bit distracted. Distracted because all those experiments with closets and cabinets and food choices didn’t really address the real reason I blog. The real reason I write is to help us all understand one basic thing:

We have too much clutter in our lives.

Too much physical clutter. Too much emotional clutter. Too much spiritual clutter. Too much social clutter. It’s distracting.

Just typing the words “too much” gives me the heeby-jeebies. It is all so overwhelming to me sometimes, I admit. When I start to feel suffocated by my clutter, I get centered and come back to my original pursuit: What really matters?

The Answer is People. People really matter. Relationships. Relationships really matter.

For too long, the good life has been defined by overbooked calendars and time commitments that, seemingly, allow us to believe that we are really important to our community and the world as a whole. But I’m telling you…you don’t need a crammed-packed calendar to make that a reality. You are already important to your community and the world as a whole. You’ve just simply defined community and world too broadly.

Trust me on this. Your ‘community’ is that network of friends you keep up with on Facebook…with whom you never really keep in touch. Your ‘whole world’? What about your children? Your spouse? Your parents? Your friend that sticks closer than a brother? Aren’t they really your whole world?

I joked to my husband last night: “No body loves me. My phone hasn’t rang for three whole days and I haven’t gotten a text in 24 hours.” I was joking, of course. People love me…but there are days I wonder if I stopped checking in on social media sites…would anyone wonder where I’d gone?

We should build relationships – not resumes, social networks and definitely not bigger houses for stuff. Relationships. When we focus on relationships and on those we love, lives are changed. Your life. Other’s lives. And change is good.

This week’s challenge:

Pick one person and write a real letter to them. Start out by saying “I’m sorry I haven’t kept in touch. I hope to change that…” and go on from there. You will have to buy a postage stamp in order to mail this letter. A postage stamp. You remember those, right?

May Challenge

There is no challenge this month, as this ends the 90-day closet clearing challenge I asked you to start back in March. How did it go?

My Love/Hate Relationship with my Kitchen Ends

So, I’m wrapping up the series I started at the beginning of April.

I covered the clutter-busting tips and my friend, Grace, helped me determine which appliances to keep. But, what about the big thing…the one thing I said I was going to STOP DOING and START DOING.

I said I was going to stop cooking and go raw, didn’t I? Well, I did it. Kinda. And it made my life a bit more simple. Here’s what I did:

1) I outsourced dinner. This isn’t a blog about ‘saving money’. If it were, then I definitely be a big failure in this area. But, this is one way I made my life more simple. While I managed to find healthy things for dinner most nights for myself, I ‘outsourced’ dinner for my husband to any restaurant of his choosing. Sometimes he ate sandwiches or leftovers at home. Sometimes he went the carry-out pizza route. The bottom line: I vowed to stop stressing over dinner. Mission accomplished.

2) I did go raw. About 75%, anyway. I consumed tons of veggies, salads, handy fruits and nuts. The lovely Grace gave us a nice little list of quick no-cook food choices, which I share at the end. If you want more of Grace’s help, then schedule a one-on-one with her. She’s a cutie.

This is yummy!!

Photocredit for Healthy Chickpea Salad

Warm Coconut Millet Porridge – YUMMMMM!!

Photocredit for Warm Coconut Millet Porridge

3) Cooking was minimal. I once thought sweet potatoes were a PITA, but honestly, that’s because I had never cooked a sweet potato in my life. And if that wasn’t bad enough…Grace giggled when I asked “And just how does one cook brown rice?” (In the oven, silly!!) My food choices were made simple with her help: Hard boiled eggs, brown rice, baked sweet potatoes…and lots and lots of soup.

And how do I feel? Fan-Freaking-Tastic! Now, I can focus on a few tasks a ‘dinner’ time, like cuddling with the Little Guy, folding laundry beside him while he plays, and making his dinner while I make my own. (Yep, makin’ baby food. How domestic of me, right??)

I lost 4 pounds in April – a pound a week, which is healthy – and I never counted a single calorie. I drank wine, ate some ice cream (okkkay…..A LOT of ice cream. Whatever. Gosh!) and enjoyed my popcorn with real butter. I switched to whole milk which cut down on buying SKIM MILK for breakfast and HALF & HALF for my coffee. Beside, whole milk is really good for you despite what Weight Watchers tries to tell you.  The point is, when I stopped focusing on extensive meal planning and storing massive amounts of food for the apocalypse, it all seemed to work out better for me.

I’ll get back to the heart of simplicity and my journey next month. But this month was a fun experiment and I think it’s something I will continue as my path to simplicity.

The Beautiful Miss Grace

Grace’s Simple NO COOK Meals:

Yogurt with nuts, dried cranberries, and honey.
Apples with Almond Butter
Tortilla with any nut butter and raisins
Salad topped with Garbanzo beans, nuts, & dried cranberries
A sandwich on Sprouted Bread
Any Grain* + Beans + Veggie combo

*Oven baked brown rice: 2 1/3 c. of water and 1 1/2 c. of brown rice, 1 TB EVOO, 1 tsp. salt. Bake in a 8X8 baking dish, foil covered for 1 1/4 hours at 375*.  Portion this out and freeze for later.

And those sweet potatoes? Bake them. Easy breezy!!!!!

My Colossal Cave of Clutter

My kitchen has been on my nerves for quite some time. Mostly because it is never HGTV ready. But…I took a step back and put things into perspective. So, let me just begin today by saying “I have a baby”.  Babies bring an entirely new set of clutter with them that I never imagined.

A baby swing sits where my breakfast nook table was stationed.

One side of my cupboard contains baby stuff like baby food, bottles, miniature spoons and some things I probably don’t need but keep anyway like empty baby formula containers (Because I’m a container-addict, that’s why! Don’t judge me.)

But, at the current moment, I need these things. Kitchen items I need for the Little Guy include an immersion blender, a food chopper, a juicer, a blender and ice cube trays. I need these things for making food and mixing formula. Once the Little Guy can eat normal people food, some of these items will be traded, sold, or donated. And really, I’m okay with ‘baby clutter’. One can outgrow ‘baby clutter’.

It’s adult clutter that drives me crazy. I own five skillets, three sauce pans, and two stock pots. I have eight spatulas. I know. *Sigh* I am a Minimalism Retard. I preach “Get rid of stuff!” so often you may view me as a hypocrite. And I’m fine with that. Because, folks, these things make my life simpler which is the goal. But, as promised…

I set off to declutter the kitchen and honestly, I only found three things I’m willing to part with at the current moment.  If you want an apple slicer (just how lazy am I????), a garlic press (Duh…grocery stores sell jars of minced garlic) and wine bottle opener (Ummmm….okay, yes. I can part with this. I have two more) just let me know.

But, alas…I did check in with the lovely Grace at The Nude Foodie and asked her ”What utensils and what small appliances can you not live without?” And here are her answers:

Grace’s Top 5 Small Appliance list

A food processor (YAY!)
A good, high quality blender (YAY!)
Toaster Oven
Crockpot/slow cooker
and her fifth one…

“Evaluate your life. Some people ‘need’ a microwave. Others think they are evil. You may feel like you need a juicer. Or a rice cooker. Whatever.” she said.  I agree. I’m coming to grips with the fact that the griddle is just collecting dust, more than two skillets is overkill, and unless I can use this waffle iron to make brownies or cinnamon rolls once in a while, it may find its way to the thrift store. The point is to not hold on to things you never use and I think we can all agree that nobody needs an apple slicer. (Or…maybe…never mind.) Grace lives with four children and doesn’t own a coffee pot or a microwave. I don’t know how she does this, and I don’t care. I stand in awe of her.

Grace’s Top 5 Utensil List

One good, long and sharp, chef’s knife
A wire strainer
One high quality skillet
A stock pot and a sauce pan*
A zester/microplane

*Ummm…nice try, Grace. That’s technically two.

Grace says to look for things that can serve more than one function. For example, a wire strainer can also function as a steamer or colander. A good knife opens packages, cuts veggies, slices meat, and crushes garlic. (Of course you would wash it in between functions, silly non-cooking girl.) And a note on knives: “Think long and sharp. A short dull knife is useless.”, says Grace.

So this week, I’m totally rethinking my juicer. I love the health-induced idea of juicing. It’s the PITA juicer clean up that gets me every time! I functioned just fine for three days without my coffee pot, using only a french press. I also drank less coffee because it took a bit more effort.  I’m starting to think I’m lazy.

What can you part with this week? What do you think of Grace’s lists and what is on your Top 5 list?

Spice Up Your Kitchen by Simplifying

Last week I wrote about waste and my decisions to make my life a bit simpler here in our Sho-Me state home. So far things have been a tad bit interesting, and even a bit emotional, to say the least.

As promised, I met with Grace to come up with a few little lists which I will share with you today and throughout the month. But first, let’s get to the heart of it.

My decision to stop cooking has resulted in the following:

1) I gained five hours of my life back each week. I feel less stress and find I have time to keep up with other things. This is good.

2) I feel an enormous amount of guilt. Each night I watch the Hubster forage through the kitchen at 6 pm only to watch him pop a frozen Country Fried Steak in the microwave. Said Country Fried Steak is then smothered under a blanket of mustard. Is this emotional and social programming? I mean, what kind of wife am I to let my best friend starve to death? Or…do I really believe he will die from the overconsumption of processed foods? Probably a little of both.

3) I’ve lost weight. Salads and whole foods will do that to a person. In fact, rumor has it that if you eat ‘real food’ you don’t really need to count calories anymore. The body is an amazing vehicle that seems to understand exactly what you need, if only it is provided with the proper fuel in the first place.

So far my decision to stop cooking has been both good and bad. I mean, I still cook. I made brown rice and I baked a sweet potato. I’m not a full-on hippie, for Pete’s sake. Even made myself a bowl of cookie dough…of course…I tried to consume the entire bowl before I baked the cookies, but frankly, that’s beside the point.

Anyway. On to Grace’s list to help me clear the clutter from my kitchen!  I asked The Nude Foodie herself if she could only have TEN SPICES in her cupboard, which would she choose? Here are her answers:

• Thyme
• Rosemary
• Curry
• Chili Powder
• Cumin
• Oregano
• Basil
• Parsley
• Cinnamon
• Ginger

(There are other opinions, like this one, but ultimately it’s your kitchen.)

We argued about nutmeg. I love nutmeg. She says “Eh, it’s not really necessary.”  Meh. Silly, Grace. Whateverrr. As you can see, I have lots of work to do in the clutter-clearing arena this week, but I think you will be pleasantly surprised by my results. Stay tuned.

Some are a bit dusty on top. Proof I don’t cook.

Food for Thought

Tuesday is trash night at our house and consequently the day I shred papers, empty the garbage cans in each room and clean out the refrigerator. This week I was shoulders-deep in my fridge, reaching into the depths of moldy leftovers when something dawned on me that made me mad as hell.

There I was…cleaning out my refrigerator…throwing away leftovers we didn’t eat…to make room for more leftovers we won’t eat. I felt my jaw tighten and I shook my head as I thought, “So, essentially, I might as well just chuck $5 bills into the garbage can and stop cooking. Isn’t that the same thing as throwing away all this food?”  And…I may have used a not-so-nice adjective before ‘food’ that I’d be embarrassed to say in front of my mom, my son and my pastor.)

Later that day I read this in a NY Times article about Graham Hill:  “The Natural Resources Defense Council reports, for example, that 40 percent of the food Americans buy finds its way into the trash.”

A little bit of research led me to this: “While about 1 billion people globally do not have enough to eat, Americans toss out about 40 percent of all U.S.-produced food”. Grrrr.

In that moment, I made a major decision: I’m going to make things simple.

Are you surprised? I mean, this is a blog about how to make life SIMPLE, right?!? Consequently, I’m going to write about this decision over the course of the month because that’s the other point of this creepy online diary.

How am I going to make things simpler?

1)      I’m going to stop cooking. I never liked to cook. I like to bake, but that’s because I like to eat baked goods. But, I don’t like to cook. So, I’m going to stop (or ‘stop-ish’).

2)      Fend for Yourself is on the dinner menu from here on out. My husband is a grown man and wrinkles his nose when I suggest quinoa. “Keen-What?”  I also want to eat a more plant-based diet which also tends to make him exit the kitchen as quickly as possible. So, he will eat what he wants to eat and I will eat what I want to eat. So, I definitely won’t get honorable mention here.

3)     I’ll ’outsource’ if necessary. Just because I practice rational minimalism doesn’t mean I don’t believe in outsourcing activities that can simplify your life. I know those things cost money – but this isn’t a blog about a cheapskate lifestyle. Practicing mindful-consumerism and living a more simplified lifestyle can save you money – but that’s only a byproduct of living this life. I will outsource something that will “give me” more time.

4)      I’m going raw. Yep…maybe not 100% but I’m making some changes. And I’m getting help in the process from two of the most beautiful women in the world: Grace - The Nude Foodie and Meg - Feed Me, Darling. (Both are on Pinterest, by the way. What?  You thought I’d get through an entire blog post without mentioning ‘Pinterest’. Silly, Reader.)

5)      Finally…just when you thought it couldn’t get any more Spartan…Grace is going to help declutter my kitchen and give you some tips as well. I’ve done this several times before, but I still feel like my kitchen is a cesspool of collective clutter. It’s the one room of the house that continues to bug the crapola out of me.

So…stay tuned, lovelies, and keep reading. I’ll let you know if anyone dies.

Announcing the April Challenge:

Find two small appliances you think you can live without. like your microwave or (GASP!) a coffee maker. Take them to your storage closet. Don’t use them for ONE MONTH. Use only one favorite knife this month. And lastly…vow to not cook for at least ONE NIGHT each week. Outsource it or eat something simple and easy. Can’t wait to hear!

March Challenge Review:

How did you with the March challenge?  I realized I had a tote of ‘winter clothes’ in the shed I didn’t even unpack this year. I was just ‘post baby’ and still wearing maternity pants when the season started (Hey, don’t hate on me. Those things are COMFY!). I didn’t even open it. Just took the entire tote to Goodwill. I hope there wasn’t something uber cute in there. How about YOU??  How did you do?

Wrapping Up March With Weekend Reads

I finish a few blogs for April and I’m ready to get started on the room of the house that is one colossal cave of clutter. (Okay, maybe I exaggerate…but definitely a room that bugs me.) As we launch the weekend and prepare for some new awesome advice from the Sho-Me State Girl herself…here are some fantastic reads:

All the weekend reads are inspired by my boss who announced that she’s quitting and moving to Hawaii.  (Hang on there…let’s not throw a party just yet. I actually like her). But here’s the kicker…it’s kinda my fault she’s moving. Yep. She read my blog and decided to take the plunge. I could not be more proud. (Of her..and of myself!)

So…get that cup of tea/coffee/glass of wine because these are some cool and brave souls:

Read about the Jordan’s who live in Siloam Springs, AR. I am thrilled I ran across this story because Siloam Springs is just a hop, skip and a jump from me. I want to load up the kiddo and go meet them. Maybe I will – I have all this free time since I don’t have to cook anymore. (That, my friends, is called foreshadowing. You will just have to wait!)

Could you live in a house the size of your garage? Well, Jon and Ryah Dietzen are doing it. And it seems to be working out just fine. This is the coolest garage I’ve ever seen. (I actually lived in a 250 square foot cottage when I separated from husband number one and it was really, really cool. I had everything I needed – including some peace.)

So garage living isn’t your style? Okay. How about a bus? Yep. You read that right. A bus. In fact, my grandparents sold their home when I was a little girl and bought a fifth wheel trailer. They lived in Missouri 1/2 the year and Texas the other half. I don’t really even remember their old house. I just remember cool trips to the lake to visit.

Starting to think that ‘minimalism’ and ‘downsizing’ is just for those of us who bought into the American-Dream Myth and are up to our eyeballs in debt? Not so much. Here are some people you just might be surprised by:

The creator of Tumblr. Yep. The Billionaire extraordinaire: David Karp

Joe Greenstein, co-founder of Fixster is cashing in his billionaires to help the poor. Okay, maybe not all of his billions, but he certainly isn’t spending it on fancy cars and lavish homes.

Aaron Patzer, the founder of Mint.com, who sold his company in 2009 for $170 million. He lives in a 600-square-foot, one-bedroom apartment, and recently replaced his 1996 Ford Contour (with 150,000 miles) with a $29K Subaru Outback.

And the two founders of Facebook, Dustin Moskovitz and that other guy embrace minimalism, too. Moskovitz could afford any home he wanted but lives in condo. He bikes to work and leaves his Volkswagen hatchback in the garage. The other guy’s Facebook profile says his interests include “minimalism” and “eliminating desire.”

So with all that, I have to admit…one thing that perturbs me about the ‘simplicity culture’ is that it is centered around reducing a carbon footprint, canceling out debt, or counting items so one can brag about the fact that one only owns 99 things versus ‘the other minimalist’ who owns 100. I haven’t decided if it is a ‘fad or a movement’. I own over 1000 items. I do not recycle. I do not grow my food. I do not have anything that is ‘solar panelled’. I am not interested in going off grid (Okay…I’m a tiny bit interested in going off grid but that’s because I have a tab bit of rebellion and anti-socialism in me and certainly not for environmental reasons….). I don’t want a house that is 120 square feet and moveable. (My SECOND home in Monterey Bay – maybe.) I love those people. They inspire me. But, alas, I am not one of them.

Who am I? I am a 41 year old woman who wants to spend my time pushing my son on a swing in the park instead of vacuuming my house and neatly storing my hobby supplies. I want to giggle on the sofa with my husband instead of worrying about the three rooms we never use that still need organization. I want to spend time with my family when they visit instead of worrying about the fact that I only have eight plates that match and the matching coffee mugs were gone A LONG TIME AGO. I want simplicity. I want peace. I want freedom and joy. And…I want that for you, too. If that means you realize you need to quit your job and move to Hawaii…then sweet! Just let me know I was responsible for that decision! (wink, wink). Then I will know I did what I set out to do. And that makes my heart sing.

Looking forward to April. Tell me all about those closets and the March challenge. Get ready to clean that kitchen.

Announcing the April Challenge:

Find two small appliances you think you can live without. like your microwave or (GASP!) a coffee maker. Take them to your storage closet. Don’t use them for ONE MONTH. Use only one favorite knife this month. And lastly…vow to not cook for at least ONE NIGHT each week. Outsource it or eat something simple and easy. Can’t wait to hear!

Wrapping up the March Challenge:

I actually found several items with which I could still part and not feel bad. I’m headed to the consignment store…and then to the thrift store. So thrilled! What about you? How did it go?